Speaker 1: I've been thinking
about doing an episode on
today's topic for some time and
then, lo and behold, I'm sitting
in our kitchen with a friend
and the same theme arises.
So today I'd like to talk about
the power of cross-skilling.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.
Sounds a little bit corporate.
It would be.
I'll come on to this actually
in a bit.
But my sense is that we can use
skills that we have at home or
that we've learnt in our place
of home when we're in the
workplace, and vice versa.
We're good at facing into
difficult conversations at work,
but we find it skills that
might be what we need to
navigate potentially challenging
situations at home.
So even if we haven't yet
mastered that skill that we need
in a difficult situation we're
navigating in our family life,
for example, we might be able to
see opportunities in the
workplace where we could gently,
consciously, wisely explore how
we might build those skills in
a really safe environment, if
work feels like a safe
environment for you in order to
then be able to pick those
skills up and apply them at home
.
Um, and you know vice, there
may be things that we're really
good at managing in our family
life.
You know, maybe there are
complicated relationships with
people in our family system.
We all have those.
Well, my experience is many of
us have those no assumptions,
assumptions, um, but um, but at
the same time, we might find
that there are some people at
work that for us feel really
really hard to deal with.
So, even though we might be the
person in our family system
that everyone relies on to pour
oil on troubled waters when
we're at work, um, we kind of
forget that and actually we just
have a bit of a brick wall
about how to work with person x.
Um, you know, maybe something
is coming up for you as I say
these things.
You know, maybe there's
something where you've seen a
parallel between two situations.
You know something at work,
something at home, maybe now,
maybe in the past, um, or maybe
you've handled something really
well in the past that could
possibly help you handle
something that's happening right
now.
You know, just just kind of
opening up and letting these
ideas sort of filter in and see
does it resonate with you?
Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't
.
Um, you know I grew up as the
youngest in a big, loud and at
times quite complicated family
system and I recognize that
those experiences that I
gathered and learned of being
the peacemaker, the trouble
easer, you know they helped me
manage mercurial leaders,
potentially volatile groups, you
know working groups when we
were leading big change programs
, or troubled team members.
You know those experiences that
I gather to me in my family
system.
They help me in the workplace
and and some of those are
sometimes that's really obvious.
You know, of course.
Of course it did.
I'm just going to put a little
bit in brackets in here, which
is you know also some of those
skills, for example, that I
learned in my family system
about maybe a bit of people
pleasing or suppressing my own
needs in favor of keeping the
peace.
You know those kind of things.
It's not about picking, picking
those up unconsciously and
applying them.
This is about bringing our
conscious awareness to the stuff
that we have skillfully
gathered to us, rather than the
unconscious application of old
strategies that we might have
learned, that have kept us safe,
and there is a there's a little
bit of gray going on here, and,
as with so many of these topics
that I bring into this place,
there is nuance and so really
the invitation is to feel into
what that nuance might look like
for you.
Okay, I'm going to close
brackets and let you go back to
the episode, but other times we
might have almost like a kind of
invisible line separating
something that we experienced or
something that we're good at in
one place from kind of
filtering through to another
aspect of our life.
Another sort of example of this
that might resonate with you is
let's imagine that I have a
client this is actually an
amalgam of a number of clients,
in order that no one person is
identified here but let's
imagine that this is one client
who felt that they were really
no good at admin.
They were, they had this story
about themselves that they were
sorry I just got.
They had this story about
themselves that they're no good
at financial or practical
details.
You know they'd often put
themselves down if these kinds
of themes came up, and you know
it was something that they felt
that they really wanted to work
on in order to be able to
support more in other aspects of
their, their family life.
But then, when we looked more
widely, um, they also helped run
a local sports team uh, amateur
, you know, sports team, kids
team, and what they recognized
was that they were actually
really good at doing admin there
, um, and they were often the
one who had a handle on all of
the details, who understood what
was going on with the finances
and with this particular person.
Partly that was because they
were really interested in
providing that support.
It really gave them a sense of
purpose.
They really loved being part of
the team.
Um, they got reward for knowing
these things, um, whereas, um,
in the other part of their life
where they felt that they didn't
have, you know, any skills at
it and they, you know, weren't
any good at it, uh, they were
just.
They just got criticism either
from themselves or from others,
and so their motivation for
applying these cross skills was
fairly limited, to be honest.
So, understanding where their
motivations lay and recognising
that they actually did have
these skills was so useful,
because they were able to then
pick up the stuff that was
really helpful for them to make
the changes in the way that they
motivated themselves for the
aspect of their life where they
wanted to be able to apply these
skills in a different way, and
my feeling is that when we look
at this kind of this sort of
work around cross skilling, it's
often where we're most
oblivious to the skills that we
have.
You know, in the workplace.
We might just accept that we're
good at dealing with
complicated leadership teams or
something like that.
We might not really recognise
that actually that is a skill,
it's just like well, it's just
me.
It's just me, I'm just, I can
just do that.
And so, because we're oblivious
to it, we might not recognize
all of the nuances that go on,
um, that enable us to be able to
manage.
You know the different layers
that are, um, that show up when
we're in a um a situation with
someone who someone else might
find complicated.
We don't necessarily recognize
the layers of skill that are in
there.
You know from listening deeply,
from empathy, clarity of speech
.
You know all of these things.
They're all really important.
When we're oblivious to them,
we don't know how to access them
consciously.
And so, by developing our
conscious awareness, we can then
go oh, actually, I'm good at
this, I can pick this up and I
can use it somewhere else, and
that might be incredibly
powerful.
And so that's why you know,
that's why, um, this is useful.
It feels, um, I feel like I kind
of dived straight into this
today, um, but, uh, hopefully
there's something here that
resonates with you and um, uh,
yeah, you know, so we might feel
that we have a place in our
life where we're stuck, or we
just can't move forward because
we believe we don't have the
right skill to do that.
So, or it might be that we, um,
just find ourselves constantly
overthinking, you know, are
constantly looking at all the
different variables around a
problem that we're trying to
solve, but and kind of feel as
though, well, I can't stop doing
that because that's just what
I'm like, whereas in another
part of our life we might have
developed the skill of being
able to say, ok, well, this
feels tricky, but let's just let
it play out, let's just see
what happens next, and then we
can work out what our next step
is.
So we're able to shift from
believing ourselves to be an
overthinker, a kind of constant,
you know, worrier, worrying at
something, into being someone
who is able to pause and let
something flow, surrender into
something, um, and what this
sort of means.
Is that, um, we, when we can
recognize this, we might see
that actually we do have all of
the requisite skills to change
the thing that maybe we believe
we can't change.
We just might need to put them
into place in a slightly
different way.
Or that Andre Previn joke from
was it Morecambe and Wise?
You know I'm playing all the
right notes, just not
necessarily in the right order.
You know we can take all of the
requisite skills and we can put
them into a different order and
create a completely different
piece of music.
So a sort of slight tributary of
this thought stream is that
when I was doing consulting as
part of my old corporate life,
each new role that I went into
and I didn't consult in hundreds
of different businesses I
tended to stay in a place for
quite a long project and then
I'd move on to somewhere else.
But I used to think about it
like switching on my ant brain.
That was the phrase that I had,
which is a little bit different
from the concept of the hive
mind.
If that's something that you've
come across, which I think is a
little bit more like the borg
in Star Trek, and if that
cultural reference passes you by
, then think about a single
swarm of bees all acting in
unison.
You know that's the hive mind,
or it can show up as collective
intelligence emerging from
online communities.
You know where you get this
kind of zeitgeist happening.
Of you know everyone thinking
the same thing simultaneously.
Of you know everyone, uh,
thinking the same thing
simultaneously.
That's the sort of hive mind
and um.
And then that makes me think
about, uh, groupthink and um, I
could don't go down a sort of
rabbit warren about that, but
just very, very quickly.
You know how this relates to
groupthink, which is, um, a
psychological phenomenon where a
group strives for consensus at
the expense of critical thinking
and sound decision making.
And and what happens when we
slip into groupthink, um, is
that often we end up suppressing
dissenting opinions.
So if I'm slipping into group
think, you know I'll agree with
someone in the role of leader
because I think everyone else
agrees with them, even though
they might all be doing the same
thing, and we all secretly
doubt that leader's abilities.
We suppress that doubt in favor
of conforming with the group,
and so that's group think and
hive mind can be a little bit
like that, but it's slightly
different.
But for me, my ant brain is
different.
Again, the sense I had of my
ant brain was that with each new
role, I would somehow
consciously tap into what I
intuitively felt was important
in different parts of the
organization.
So it was a bit like, you know,
I'd kind of come into the job,
make connections with people,
start listening deeply, and it
was a bit like I kind of opened
myself up to the system that I
was in.
And I strongly suspect that I
am not by any means the first
person to have noticed this, and
if you have, or if you know
someone who's written about it,
I'd really love to hear from you
, because I'm really fascinated
in this, this ability that I
think many of us have all very
possibly, and so the ant brain
enabled me to access different
parts of me as well as different
parts of the organization.
So I was able to pick up on
data that was happening around
me Little cues, words, phrases,
body language, you know the
whole thing.
I was able to sort of bring a
kind of conscious awareness to
all of these different bits of
data, which we often just absorb
unconsciously, of course,
because that's, you know, it's
part of how we stay alive as
humans is this ability to pick
up on, on all the data that's
going on and filter out what
isn't useful and let in what is
useful.
And so, as I was able to to
access all of these external
bits of data, I was also able to
access internal bits of data,
so different memories, learnings
, knowledge, skills, and seek
and filter through what would
most support me in my new role.
So as a consultant, of course,
it's vital that you hit the
ground running.
You know you're constantly
reading each situation.
I mean this applies to any
place, to be honest, going into
the school playground of your
child's first day of school, or
going into any new job or any
kind of social setting and to
gather as much useful data as
you can in order to provide, in
my case, as a consultant, in
order to provide the maximum
benefit from the time that I had
with that organisation and,
like I said before, I think we
all have this capacity.
It's just that thinking in this
way can be utterly exhausting,
of course, because we're on high
alert, um, and you know I loved
some aspects of doing that work
because I really enjoyed the
high alertness at times.
You know, it's a little bit
addictive that adrenaline and
cortisol and also the dopamine
hits that you get from getting
things right, reading the data
right, being interconnected, um,
you know, but it's also
exhausting and it's one of the
reasons why so many people
experience a form of burnout,
you know, of one kind or another
.
And I found that after I left
that world, that I would hear
myself, you know, say things
like I never want to work in the
corporate space again.
But when we shut down and this
is the point of that very long
explanation but when we shut
down whole parts of our past or
even completely segment work
life from our home or social
life, work life from our home or
social life, my premise, my
observation, is that we may risk
missing out on things that
could really support us.
You know, this idea of being
able to cross skill across
different parts of our lives.
Now, of course, it doesn't mean
leaving, you know, all aspects
of our life completely blended.
You know we also need
boundaries.
They are so important and, um,
if, if you're curious about
boundaries, then, um, take a
look at my short course on
boundaries.
I've gathered together all of
the podcast episodes that I've
done on boundaries and pulled
them together into a short
five-day course.
It's completely free, you can
access it.
I'll put a link into the show
notes for you, um, and you know.
So we need to have these
boundaries.
We don't want to be completely
blended, um, you know, because
actually that can leave us, uh,
feeling you really exhausted,
because you know we need the
boundaries in order to create
space that is ours and not just,
you know, merged into the
external.
We need to be able to have this
internal space for us too, and
you know time for us too too,
and you know time for us too, um
.
But so for me, this, um, this
ability to cross skill, it means
bringing some conscious
awareness to the skills that
could potentially support us
elsewhere in our life and
learning.
This has helped me enormously
and, you know, maybe something
in what I'm talking about today
is resonating with you.
Maybe there's a recognition of
something that has helped you,
or maybe there's something
sparking where you're going.
Hang on a minute.
I do have some of the skills to
resolve this issue I'm facing
into if I look more widely
across my life, rather than that
slightly kind of myopic thing,
that short-sighted thing that
can often happen to us, because
we're human, where a problem
looms so large in our field of
vision that we forget that
there's anything else around
that we could look at and maybe
learn from.
So for me, I finally had the
realization one day.
Um, you know, on this point
around, I never want to work in
the corporate world again.
You know who better to help
exhausted executives with
managing the risks and realities
of burnout than someone who had
been there, someone who had
almost died because of their
unwillingness, or yeah, yeah,
let's stay with that to
recognize the risks and someone
who'd not only survived that
process but actually thrived in
the choices that she then made.
And and obviously that someone
is me, in case in case that
wasn't clear, and you you know.
So now I work with many
executive clients.
You know I don't really see any
distinction between the path
that any client takes comes to
me, but many of those people are
executive clients, as in,
they're working in corporate
environments and I even teach
coaching skills to leaders in
the corporate environment.
And choosing to do this work
involves switching on different
parts of my brain.
It involves cross-skilling from
old skill sets that I had into
new challenges, new
opportunities that I'm facing,
and my reflection is that it can
feel a bit like opening up some
back rooms that haven't been
occupied for a while, you know,
giving them an airing, a dusting
bit of a polish, before then
kind of realizing oh, they're
actually lovely spaces.
You, these can be quite nice to
hang about in, but, you know,
until then we might have just
kind of had the door shut and
just gone.
Oh no, nobody goes in there.
There's no point.
You know, and in each of these
back rooms there might be some
really useful things.
I mean, there might be things
that you're not interested in
anymore, but there might be some
really useful things.
You know, skills, knowledge,
experiences, um, that can
potentially be applied in other
parts of our lives.
There might also be some
memories that we're just like,
you know, okay, I'm like I'm
leaving that one there, like
that's okay, we don't need to to
spend a lot of time sitting
with that, or old grudges, or
you know, or maybe there's some
stuff there that actually does
really need tending to.
That's a completely different
podcast episode, but, you know,
maybe there are things in there
that would be really useful to,
you know, apply to other parts
of your life.
And you know this, this kind of
awareness of this ability that
we all have to cross skill it's
also really helped me with um,
you know, creating the courses,
creating the group coaching that
I now offer, creating
experiences like a piece of
quiet, and if you don't yet know
what that is.
It's new and it's wonderful,
and I'll share a little bit more
about it at the end.
You know, and over the years
I've often heard parts of me say
, and over the years I've often
heard parts of me say I don't
know, I don't know how to do
something.
But what they actually mean, or
what I actually mean in that
situation, is that I haven't yet
done exactly that thing in
exactly those conditions, for
exactly that audience, etc.
Etc.
But when we remember that we're
able to mine our own mind, our
own life experience, for the
cross skills and cross knowledge
and cross references they don't
have to be, I just really
sounds.
It sounds like, oh, it's very
angry, but you know,
cross-skills, cross-knowledge,
cross-references that could
really support us.
That can then significantly help
us overcome the overwhelm of
doubt or the voice of the
self-critic, the inner critic
that might be telling us that we
can't do something, whereas if
we can just create this little
bit of space inside and sit back
and go, we might not have
experience of doing exactly that
, but we have been able to do
something similar in the past,
been able to do something
similar in the past, and it
doesn't mean, of course, that
there is always something in our
past or our present life that
relates directly to the thing
that we most need right now, but
the possibility is that there
might be, so maybe it's useful
to look.
So there we go.
They're the thoughts that I
threw down on a piece of paper
yesterday, this kind of ideas
and thoughts, and then, having
had the conversation that I had
just now in my kitchen with a
friend where the same kind of
theme came up, it just felt I
wanted to come and record this
and share it with you, because
maybe, maybe, there's something
here that resonates with you, um
, and if so, I'd love to hear,
I'd love to hear from you, um,
and if you've, uh, got an
experience of the ant brain,
then, um, I'd love to hear about
that too, if that sparks any
thought within you.
Um, and, yes, that point around
boundaries, I'll, um, I'll put
a note into the notes for you so
you can sign up for that if
you'd like.
And then, lastly, um, just to
say, oh, my goodness me, I've
received some beautiful messages
about a piece of quiet um, we
have, um, you know, we're into
our second week now and the
these are a weekly pause every
Wednesday lunchtime, and there
is a reason why it is on a
Wednesday, because I think
traditionally we often take time
out for ourselves at the
weekends.
You know that's that's.
You know that's the kind of
very sort of normal, classic
thing for us to do is the reason
why we have weekends is to take
a break from work, because we
know how important it is for
people to rest in order to be
productive.
You know we have to have rest
and um at the same time.
My sense is that we rest at the
weekend and then we uh fire
back up for the Monday and we
launch ourselves back out into
the world.
You know and you don't need me
to talk about Sunday night, itis
you know the feeling of dread
that so many of us have about
the week ahead, or you know, or
just kind of.
You know, you get to Monday and
you just think, oh, I didn't
even, I don't even feel like
I've had a weekend.
You know those kinds of phrases,
and so I'm offering creating a
piece of quiet as a weekly pause
every Wednesday lunchtime.
It's just 20 minutes, maybe a
bit less actually, and if you
don't want to do the journaling
prompt which is part of it, then
it could literally be eight or
nine minutes out of your
lunchtime on a Wednesday and you
just sit and listen.
You can listen to it through
your favorite podcast app it's a
private podcast or just
straight through the link that
you'll get emailed each
Wednesday, and it is a chance to
take a pause, to have a piece
of quiet in your week, to center
yourself, to reboot, to regroup
, to gather yourself, and for me
, there's something really
beautiful knowing that others
are doing it with you, it with
you, and so it's a short
relaxation practice that's then
followed by a thoughtfully
crafted flow journaling prompt
that relates in some way to the
relaxation practice that we've
just done.
If you don't feel like
journaling that day, that's fine
.
Just listen to the prompt and
maybe reflect on it or not.
You know this is your practice,
of course, but if you do feel
like writing, then the second
half of the recording is a piece
of music that gives you a
Pavlovian response to picking up
your pen and writing, and I
play the piece of music for
eight or nine minutes and the
invitation is you write for that
length of time and when you're
finished, you put down your pen,
you close your book and you
know that the words have done
their work, you close your book
and you know that the words have
done their work, and this is
not about anybody getting
anything right or it even being
possible for anybody to get
anything wrong.
This is simply a space to return
home, to return to yourself, to
return to yourself, and I am so
delighted to welcome all the
people who've already signed up.
And if you would like to join
us too, then that would be so
beautiful, and there is a link
in the show notes.
For you and as someone who is
part of this community, as a
listener to this henny flynn
podcast, the offer is a 20
reduction in the subscription
for you.
Just use the link, or you can
always message me and I can send
you the link, and I would love
to welcome you there.
I think you'll enjoy it.
All.
Right, my darlings, I am going
to send you a hug and a wave,
thank you.