The Way of Love: Finding Our Response in a Troubled World

I'm very mindful when I come to record these episodes that I, like all of us, am enormously influenced by the things that I consume before I come into this place and you know of course on a much subtler level I'm influenced by all the things that I have ever consumed, know all the news, all the stories, all the joy, all the laughter, all the times that I've been scared, know all of these things they influence and they inform us. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self awareness with profound self compassion. I'm Henny. I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you.

And I was going to come and talk about freedom. I'd had a beautiful conversation with one of my clients about what does freedom really look like and can we ever be free? If our freedom is determined by the constraints that we're consciously or unconsciously placing upon those around us, even if they're people that we love very much, you know, is that a true sense of freedom? And then as I was, coming into, you know, doing this session today, I've been so mindful of what's been going on in the news and, I thought I might share something that I wrote a few days ago, something that I wasn't really convinced I was ever going to share, but, it speaks to something that might resonate with you, which is that, oh gosh, it feels even, it feels complicated even to begin to talk about it. I think in essence, it's my deep and abiding sense that love is the way.

And this is what I wrote. Let's let's see where it takes us and, you know, we can always dissect it and I'm really open to being challenged on these as well of course, because like us all, I'm trying to make sense of stuff unfolding in the world that feels impossible to make sense of, things being replayed that we thought we'd seen the end of years ago, decades ago, maybe even centuries ago in some instances. So the piece goes, when you hate something, other people, other nations, war, injustice or other faiths it fills your body with hate. Hate is venomous And the only antidote, it seems to me, is love. This doesn't mean passively allowing injustice to continue, but it could mean not adopting the language and strategies of those who love to hate.

I know how complex this is. How on earth do we hold ourselves in the space of love, even as we are confronted by things that feel like they threaten all that we hold dear? And there are people on both sides of every argument who ask that question. It's just that what we each hold and what we most fear might look like very different even very similar things. I find myself returning again and again to teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh, Sharon Salzberg, Ram Daz, Jack Kornfield, Tara Brack, Trudy Goodman.

They seem to have words that comfort and guide my soul, even as I recognise that they too are finding their way. And I suppose my invitation actually just sort of sharing that piece is, you know, who have you found? Who seems to be speaking words that comfort and guide you? What helps you stay in the space of love and not tumble headlong into that place of fear, which I think is what hate really is, it's fear. And then I went on to write, I find the seed of a dandelion immeasurably hopeful.

They flow on the currents of the wind and land softly where they fall, like words of love. Whereas hate feels like the barb of thorns, understandable that it exists but painful to receive. And a dandelion seed, as it grows, can crack open a paving stone. A thorn cannot even pierce it. The plant nourishes us every part edible, medicinal, nutritious and useful.

While a thorn can be used as a needle, it still requires thread before it can begin to connect things. Don't let our words become the thread of thorns. And then, and then the words of the matter resonate so deeply here. You know, with matter, with loving kindness, we begin within. We say, may I be safe?

May I be well? May I be happy? May I live with ease? And then we roll this out to our loved ones. May you be safe.

May you be well. May you be happy. May you live with ease. And then we send it out wider to those who we have a connection with, but we don't know intimately. May you be safe.

May you be well, may you be happy, may you live with ease. And then we send it out wider to those with whom we have difficulty and this of course is really at the heart of the words that rose for me. May you be safe. May you be well. May you be happy.

May you live with ease. And then we send it out to encompass the whole world, everyone and everything within it. May we all be safe. May we all be well. May we all be happy.

May we all live with ease. May we all see each other as equals, held in love. And I recognise that when there is conflict and actions taking place around us, which just feel so appalling, so against our belief system, our value set, our sense of humanity. It is such a human response to want to kind of take up arms against those who are against us. And, and, and where does that take us?

Where does that bring us? It feels to me that there is something so immensely important here about the role of compassion, you know, and wiser people than me have, you know, explored and researched and discovered that inherent within compassion is action. It's not a passive thing. You know, compassion makes us want to create change that benefits all, ultimately. It's action that comes from love rather than reaction that comes from fear.

And I also think about writers like Viktor Frankl, who, you know, a survivor of Auschwitz, who talked about this space between, you know, the space between stimulus and response, and it's within that space that our growth and our freedom and our ability to choose our response, that really enables us to stand more fully in the truth of who we are, rather than simply being an emotional, completely understandable, but emotional response to the world. And I also recognise that, you know, we each face different stimulus, different threat, we each have our own stories that inform how we respond to the world and maybe there are occasions when we can draw ourselves into the space of compassion, where we are able to hold love inside us, of being flooded with fear and hate that will not serve us or those around us. I mean, feels astonishing to me that this is, you know, I'm being really thoughtful about how I express this because how can we argue against love? And yet I also know that there are so many, voices, you know, demanding that we take action against the things that we don't want to see in the world.

But I'm not sure that that is really what is going to make things any better. And of course, is, you know, putting our heads in the sand. So this episode doesn't have any answers and it might not feel that uplifting either, I'm mindful of that, but I also just wanted to share it in case it's useful to have another voice airing something that maybe you feel as well, and to, you know, to name the fact that this is so complicated, it's so confusing when we see stuff happening around us that we just think, what? What is going on? That's very, very confusing and really our first step needs to be to tend to the parts of us that are agitated by it, to care for them and to address what is ours to address.

I feel there's something else that I want to share and, I'm just going to pause briefly and see if I can find it. And of course the thing feels most resonant is right in front of me, it's a Viktor Frankl quote and it's about freedom, it's from the notes that I jotted down, about the episode I was going to do today and he wrote in, I think it comes from Man's Search for Meaning, The last of the human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. And there were always choices to make every day, every hour offered the opportunity to make a decision, A decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom. Which determined whether or not you become the plaything to circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity. And I think what that speaks of, you know, for me anyway, is that even in the midst of the unfolding, stuff that's happening in the world around us, we can still make a choice in how we respond to it.

And that's really what Buddhist teaching is, isn't it? You know, it's all about how do we respond rather than simply, mindlessly reacting. Yeah. I want to see if, my darling girl has anything to offer for this. Okay, well I just opened the book and it's the first volume of My Darling Girl Let's start again.

What a difference a day makes, that indelible mark of yesterday's commotion of emotion, softly with the sun's rise fades clear. Fear, shame, anger, doubt, anxiety these all shall pass. Yet even as you feel their fleeting touch so keenly and ache for their sisters joy, hope, faith, clarity, compassion. See they are each there to teach. Do you see, my love?

The mountains and valleys that line your path, they are all essential to your journey. Learning to accept their highs and lows that is the lesson. Learning to remember this too shall pass that is the lesson. Learning to love the lessons that they teach us. That is the lesson.

As I watch you flow through this vast expanse of knowledge, discovering what you have somehow always known, I see your endless cycle of learning, unlearning and relearning. At times, I stand with you, bathed in light on the mountainside. At others, I walk beside you through the shadow of the valley. Wherever you are on your journey, know you are not alone. Know that the sun always rises.

Know that you choose the path that will take you to what you most need to know in the time you need it most. Ah, my love, that may be the most beautiful lesson of all. Well, as ever. Whoever wrote those words knew a thing or two and I'm not taking credit. All right, my darlings.

Oh, I send you so much love and I just wanna say, you know, there's good out there too. Oh my goodness me, there's so much good out there. There's so much love and there's so much care and there's so much desire for a beautiful world. You know, it's not just the other stuff. I'm saying that as much to myself, of course.

I mean, feels odd now to be coming into talking about, coming into the journaling quest, know, this light, bright thing that I've created. But actually it is at times like this that I see these kinds of gatherings, these kinds of connections with other people to be immensely important. You know, with the journaling quest, I think there's nearly 100 people have signed up for it already, which is just wonderful and you know, if you haven't yet signed up, please do. We begin on the September 21. It's seven days, seven prompts.

I also share one of the meditations from Insight Timer, one of the five minute meditations that I have on there with each of the prompts to help you settle, maybe to give yourself, you know, more of a delicious moment before you come to write And you will write knowing that you're connected with people from around the world, others who've, chosen to be in this place of compassionate self inquiry and in a time when division seems like it's something that's being driven, in many ways. Actually, that we do that creates connection is a really beautiful thing. So maybe this is the perfect time to be talking about the flow journaling quest and I'm going to put a link, in the show notes and you can also find the link on my website hennyflinn.co.uk and if you're not already part of the mailing list and you want to hear about all of these lovely things, you know lots of them are free that I offer, then please do come and join the mailing list as well and, stay connected and maybe that's really ultimately the message from today is may we be connected with each other with the natural world and with ourselves.

Okay, alright my darlings I'm going to go now and I send you so much love and a hug and a wave