Speaker 1: I love mornings.
It doesn't necessarily mean
that I get up at the crack of
dawn and leap out of bed with
high energy and rushing into the
day.
No, for me, it's more this slow
release from the night and the
gentle entry into the morning
that I really love.
And today I'd just like to say
a few words in praise of the
morning, the metaphorical
mornings that we experience, and
the real mornings.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes.
You worked with a wonderful
woman who we were working on a
project with a big company
delivering some well-being
podcasts and training in to
support their people, and in a
flippant, throwaway comment she
turned to me and said well, I
know that you don't like
mornings, so let's make sure
that we start a bit later or
something along those lines.
And I sort of pulled me up
sharp and I looked at her and
said what do you mean?
I don't like mornings.
And she said well, you never
want to meet first thing.
And I said, oh, oh, no, no, um,
I think you might have
misunderstood.
The reason why I don't want to
meet early is not because I
don't like mornings, it's
because I love mornings and I
really want to keep them to
myself.
And it felt like such a kind of
a selfish thing, in a way, but
selfish in the best possible use
of that word word.
Um, you know this, this
awareness that I finally had,
which was that actually for me
to be able to really show up as
fully as I could, it was better
for me to create, um, the
conditions that allowed me to do
that.
And that, obviously is true for
all of us.
If we have the opportunity to
shape the ways in which we work,
then we, you know, would always
naturally look to well, what
are the things that really
really serve me, that help me
show up to my fullest capability
and capacity?
And and for me, that means I
don't start work early, but what
I do do is I lie in bed and
allow my head to drift in that
space between sleep and
wakefulness, in that space
between sleep and wakefulness,
and even, as I say that, it
feels a little like being in a
warm bath, this kind of amniotic
fluid of the between state, a
liminal space, of course,
between the journeying that we
do at night in our dream world
and the re-entry back into the
material world in the morning.
And you know, I think at times
that period of the day has been
filled with rumination for me.
And even now there are times
when I realise I'm lying in bed
and it's almost like my body is
preparing to run a race.
I feel this sort of forward,
upward momentum, upward momentum
, the, the pushing up and out as
the muscles um respond to
cortisol, adrenaline, you know
whatever um has triggered that
release of those active hormones
um.
And so then this time of lying
in bed becomes an opportunity to
see.
Oh well, how is it if I bring
more ease here, how is it if I
take a deeper breath and allow
my stomach to unclench, my
thighs, calves, hands, feet, all
to relax and settle back down
into the comfort of the bed.
I find that a really beautiful
practice, just this noticing
when the body is pushing up and
out and seeing how it is to
relax, to soften in.
So this experience of mornings
and I've actually just had to
close the door because there's a
lot of farm activity happening
next door to us.
But I don't know if you could
hear the birds singing.
And of course you know bird
song in the morning is one of
the most comforting sounds that
we can hear as humans, because
when the birds sing it means
that they're safe and so we know
that there aren't any predators
around, and it helps our
central nervous system soften
and relax too.
It's part of our ancient wiring
and it's why it's just such a
delicious thing to take a moment
and just sit and listen to the
birdsong.
And of course there's also the
other aspect of mornings, which
is something that I'm sure
you've come across this
relatively recent research of
how important it is that we get
sunlight into our eyes each
morning.
I've seen sort of differing
reports, but you know, sort of
15, 20 minutes of sunlight is so
important for all aspects of
our sort of mental and physical
health.
As far as I could see, it seems
to be, you know, a bit of a
kind of wonder experience really
that it helps us in so many
ways.
I think it helps our immune
system, it helps our mental
faculties, it helps settle our
body and of course it helps our
eyesight too.
I mean, this is sunlight, not
staring at the and of course it
helps our eyesight too.
Um, I mean, this is sunlight,
not staring at the sun, of
course, but sunlight without, um
, you know, rather than uh, sort
of, you know, staring at a
screen or being in artificial
light.
Um, so, you know, there are all
these wonderful benefits of the
morning and and I think this
time of year feels like morning,
um for many of us, it's a time
when we feel more inspired to
get up in the morning, um, to
get up early, maybe, and and
have that bit of time in the
dawning sunshine, listening to
the birds, maybe your first warm
drink sitting outside, or
something along those lines.
And spring in the calendar, you
know, in this seasonal calendar,
it feels like this is the
morning of the year.
So if we've come through winter
, the darkness of the year.
So if we've come through winter
, the darkness of the night, we
come into spring.
This time of morning awakening,
you know the metaphors abound
and this sort of energy that we
have, you know we, we're really
familiar with this concept of
spring cleaning.
You know, getting ready,
energizing ourselves into, you
know, preparation for the rest
of the year, just as in the
morning we're preparing for the
rest of the day, and that feels,
you know, again, almost like
the sort of sap rising within us
, just as um sap rises in a tree
or a plant, um, and you know.
And then we have summer, which
is like the, the sort of midday,
the early afternoon, and into
autumn, the evening of the year,
and then back round into winter
and the night, and even the
movement of the sun echoes this,
doesn't it?
You know, the sun is higher in
the day in the summer, than it
is in the winter.
So, you know, there are lots of
beautiful metaphors here.
And there's another one which
has occurred to me.
If you listen to some of the
podcast episodes from earlier in
this season, you'll know that
I've shared very candidly an
experience that I have had
recently of going through a dark
night of the soul, and there
was also the incredibly
beautiful conversation that I
had with Aislinn Mustan as well,
who spoke very vulnerably about
her deep experience of her dark
night of the soul.
And my reflection has been you
know that we, we use this term
wintering now from, uh, partly
from that beautiful book that
came out recently, um, but also,
I think it's something that we
all innately understand that
during winter we do winter um as
a verb rather than a noun we
hunker down, we um, you know,
pull up the drawbridge and lower
the blinds and uh, we settle in
and um, and so it can feel like
that when we're going through a
challenging emotional state or
um, uh, you know, sort of
psychological state where we're
um experiencing, uh, complexity
in a in our inner world.
Um, maybe, maybe it's not
something that we can
immediately explain, you know,
anyone who's experienced um
highs and lows will understand
what I mean by this.
You know, these times where um,
it's like our system um wants
us to winter, for whatever
reason, um, we come into a place
where maybe the world feels
darker, harsher, more
complicated to navigate I don't
know if you can hear Ronnie
chipping in in the background
there um, and you know.
And then, as we come through um
, things feel different.
Now, sometimes we navigate our
way through these times of
wintering with the support of a
therapist or or someone like me.
You know, someone who supports
us with this deep compassion and
enables us to um, to explore
and navigate what we've um, what
we're experiencing in a way
that supports us to move through
it.
Um, maybe, maybe we wake up one
day and it just feels like
things have settled back into
place again, the flood of
hormones has shifted and the
world feels lighter, brighter
and we feel more able to
navigate it.
And for me, my reflection on
this whole theme of mourning is
that that then feels like a
mourning of the soul, and I kind
of feel as though this phrase
might be something that we can
start to introduce.
You know, we're very familiar
with this concept of the dark
night of the soul, and so what
about the mourning of the dark
night of the soul?
And so what about the morning
of the soul?
And as I say those words I mean
I don't know if you can hear,
but you know my voice I feel
lighter, I've definitely got a
smile on my face and it feels
there is a natural warmth, a
natural energy to that.
And I find it has been really
helpful as I've come through my
own experience of wintering and
the evening the night time
rather and into this time of
morning, because it has reminded
me not to rush.
So you see, there is a thread
here, roll the way back to the
beginning.
It has reminded me not to rush,
not to rush into suddenly
getting really busy or to put
pressure on myself to be really
productive in some way, or to
have to stride out into the
world with, you know, high
energy and you know a song in my
voice and spring in my step.
But to remember that actually,
for me, I love mornings, and I
love mornings when they are
languid.
I love mornings when I allow
myself the time to settle in to
what it is that I most wish to
be doing with my day.
Now, of course, we all have
constraints on our time.
We all have tasks that have to
be done, maybe we have a place
of work that we have to get to,
maybe we have meetings that we
have to attend, and and there
are moments and maybe they are
micro moments, but there are
moments before all of that where
we can just take a second to
breathe and to allow ourselves
to really enjoy that feeling.
Now, if we're able to, maybe we
can extend that moment out to a
few moments.
Or maybe we can control how our
diary gets filled in some way,
gets filled in some way.
Perhaps it's possible to start
work a little bit later, or to
not have our first meeting at,
you know, eight o'clock in the
morning, which is what I used to
do.
You know.
This understanding of how
important mornings are for me
has been really vital as part of
my own healing journey, and I
do recognize that now I do the
work that I do and it means that
I have far greater control over
how I use my time.
But even when I was first going
through my long healing process,
from when I had my last burnout
, I still went back and worked
in that same corporate city
environment.
But I was able to put some
things in place that really
transformed the way that I
experienced my mornings and I
kind of wanted to talk about
this really on the metaphorical
level of the morning, of the
soul, and the really practical
level too.
So often I had to still get the
same very early train.
I was in London before kind of
eight o'clock often, with an
hour's train commute and a 20
minute drive to the train
station, and so I would start to
play with things.
I would stand in a different
place on the train platform than
the place where I had stood for
years before.
So I consciously disrupted my
own patterns in a way that I was
able to observe myself with
love.
So initially I was observing my
discomfort with it and just
letting myself know that I was
still safe.
It was okay to do it, and I was
able to do it with a, with a
warm smile toward myself.
I'd sit in a different carriage
.
I started to have chats with
people only if they wanted to.
I think when I got off the
train, I would experiment with
walking to the office through a
different route.
I worked in the city in London,
and it's an incredibly beautiful
, architecturally interesting
part of London, and I would take
tiny little cut through alleys
and I also started to look up
rather than down, if you.
You know, when you are in a
crowd of people, so often
people's eyes are downward,
either at their phone, or
downward at the pavement, or
resolutely staring at a fixed
point ahead, so they're not
catching anybody's eye or seeing
anybody.
So I started to look up.
I started to look right up at
the sky to see the slices of
blue between the buildings, and
then I started to notice
architectural features like
gargoyles peering out from the
corners of buildings that had
just been forgotten.
Um, I then came to a point
where I started to experiment
with something which might feel
possible.
It might feel really
challenging, uh, depending on on
where you're at right now, but,
um, I would experiment with, um
, seeing people.
Um, and maybe that doesn't
sound quite so radical, but it
can feel quite radical when
you're used to being in a crowd
and ignoring everybody.
I would see people really,
really notice their faces with
love, and I started a little
experiment with myself where I
would see their faces and I
would say to myself or to them
energetically to them, you are
beautiful.
I started to see them through
the eyes of their parents or the
people that loved them the most
, to feel how is it to stand in
the shoes of someone that I have
never met and gaze at someone I
have never met before and
simply say those easy, simple
words, but with such heartfelt
emotion behind them?
I never said it out loud, I
only ever said it to myself, but
energetically.
I like to think it sent a
certain ripple out into the
world, and I'd actually
forgotten about this practice
until quite recently, and I
haven't been in a crowd for a
while, but it is something that
I'm going to return to, um, and
I'd love to know, uh, if you
experiment with it, what it
feels like for you.
One of the things that I found
which was particularly
challenging about it was when my
eye landed on someone that I
might ordinarily have averted my
gaze from so someone who maybe
was appearing with a more sort
of complex or aggressive or
challenging or lost kind of
energy, and it was with those
people that I found the exercise
to be particularly beautiful,
actually because it showed me
some of my bias.
That's the trouble with bias,
of course so often it's
unconscious, we don't even know
it's there.
It showed me some of my bias.
It was confrontational for me
in that I had to address that
and really feel into what is
making me want to sort of glance
my eye over them rather than
follow this practice.
And it enabled me, very gently
and with deep compassion toward
myself and to the people that I
was carrying out this experiment
, with unwitting participants in
this experiment.
It enabled me to deepen that
practice in a way that I hadn't
really understood was going to
become available to me when I
first started.
It was such a whim when I began
and it became such a powerful
practice.
Um, also just one last note on
that.
It can be tiring, um, just to
flag that.
So you know I was very mindful
not to uh kind of force myself
into a position where I kind of
had to do it all the time.
I would just sort of say, right
between here and Blackfriars I
will, I will do the you are
beautiful practice.
So you know, there were a
number of things that I did, and
then I would arrive at my
office and my day would begin,
and even through the day I would
weave in some of these
practices, these same practices
that I share with you on the
podcast.
You know my hand on my heart,
taking a deep breath, gazing out
of the window for a moment just
to catch my breath so many
things that I wove in through my
day and it just makes me think.
Actually, if you're finding
yourself struggling with, you
know, this experience of maybe
maybe you work in the city,
maybe maybe there's something
there that you've sensed gosh, I
really need to bring in some
different techniques, some
different tools to support me as
I move through this part of my
life, as I am with this part of
my life, and you would like some
support, some guidance, then
please do reach out.
I would be honoured to work
with you and to help you find
your way, your best way of
experiencing your mornings and
the rest of your day, in order
to really enable you to move
through life in a way that feels
most true for you, and not with
that tension in the body, the
pushing up and out that I
mentioned before.
So, um, so this is one of those
episodes um, I've been talking
to you with my eyes shut and
just sort of allowing the words
to come.
I hope that this has been of
use for you in some way.
Um, it's been a wonderful
reminder for me of, um, some of
those practices that, um, I used
to do.
And, you know, for two years I
stayed in that environment,
really really putting all of
this, putting my money where my
mouth is, literally, and putting
all of this into practice.
And you know, I think that's
one of the reasons why I'm, I
feel, such a strong advocate for
these self-compassion practices
, because I've seen firsthand
the difference that they can
make.
And you know, it is not about
waving a magic wand and suddenly
everything is okay.
It's about really noticing
where have we got control, where
have we got these opportunities
to really change our experience
?
And for me it all begins in the
morning.
So, my darlings, I am sending
you so much and if you do want
to connect with me, I'm going to
put a link into the show notes
to book in for a discovery call
with me.
It's completely free, it's an
hour.
It gives you an opportunity to
really understand what it is
that you would love to change,
because quite often that's the
hard part is actually knowing
what is it that we love to
change, because quite often
that's the hard part is actually
knowing what is it that we want
to change.
Where, where is it that we want
to head to?
Often we just have this feeling
deep inside I I know that
something is wrong or I know
that something needs to change,
but I don't know what, and that
can lead to us feeling really
stuck.
So in that hour together we can
explore that.
You can also ask me any
questions you might have about
how it is to work together.
Um, as someone who listens to
the podcast, you'll have some
sense of what I'm like, I think.
But, um, fundamentally it's
about support and challenge, and
those two words are really,
really crucial to this process.
And it's about really enabling
you to deepen this
self-awareness, because without
self-awareness we cannot change.
So to deepen this
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
And when we have a framework of
self-compassion, change becomes
so much more possible and for
me, it becomes real and lasting.
So, all right, I'm gonna say
goodbye again.
Oh so much love, sending you a
hug and a wave.
This is turning into one of
those phone calls where you know
I have to say no, you put the
phone down first.
And then you say no, you put
the phone down first.
So just before you do put the
phone down, I randomly opened my
Darling Girl.
This is volume two, and I do
love it.
I can't remember writing any of
these poems, but at one point I
wrote a poem about the morning
and how perfect that it should
have landed in my hand just as
I'm doing this recording with
you.
So here it is Settle to the
morning, bring your soul home
from its midnight flight.
Rise when you wake, slip from
the covers, make friends with
the dawn, hold this moment,
sense every part and only then
begin.
Thank you,