Speaker 1: Hey, my darlings, and
here we are at the end of
season 17, and I know that's
only nine episodes and normally
a season has 10, but I'm just
about to enter into my August
break and rather than pulling
another episode together and
making sure that we hit the 10,
I thought it was better just to
close this season where we are
now Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you, and
I'll be back again in September
.
So I thought today it was.
I'd love to just share some
reflections on what it is like
to take this August break, and
the angle that I wanted to think
about was where do we get our
dopamine hits when we take
ourselves into a time of pausing
?
It was something that I was
thinking about this morning.
I got up, I was waiting for
Anton to come down to the
kitchen.
I sat in the chair in the
kitchen and I looked at my phone
and, if I'm really honest, I'd
actually already looked at my
phone when I was upstairs.
You know this, um, this urgency
, this urge that we have to um,
check.
You know, we're all very
mindful, I think, these days
about the ways that our phones
impact, um, our behaviors, and
I've definitely found myself um,
in fact, I've really noticed it
recently picking up my phone to
do something and then finding
myself lost in something else
completely and having forgotten
what I was thinking about.
You know, this break, and I
want to be really conscious to
these dopamine receptors and
feeling into when those urges
come that I would ordinarily
fulfill with a quick check of my
phone, a quick look at my
emails, instagram oh, the lure
of Instagram and how to attend
to that in a more mindful way.
Now it's obviously, it is
something that I do each time I
take this August break, but it
feels even more present this
time and I just wondered, you
know, know, what does that spark
for you in terms of the way
that your dopamine receptors
respond to the triggers and the
stimulus that you're exposed to?
So you know, what is it that
spikes your dopamine?
Um, you know, and part of
taking this time off is actually
, uh, quite a robust discipline.
I've I've shared quite openly
that, you know, work is
definitely a drug of choice for
me and it's something that I
love.
I love my work, it fulfills me
in so many ways and I also
recognize that there's a part of
me that can become a little bit
over activated around work.
So I'm relatively careful about
you know, if I notice that I'm
starting to get into the stable
where I work a little earlier
kind of each day, and if that
starts to become cumulative,
then at some point in that
process and I'm getting better
at it I notice and then I'll
pause and make a shift, make a
conscious shift in how I'm
working and the ways in which
I'm working.
And I just wonder whether that
resonates with you at all,
whether there are any habits or
practices that you recognize,
you know aren't bad in
themselves and that at times can
become a little bit over
dominant.
So you know, we've talked
before here about, you know how
anything can become an addiction
.
Exercise can become an
addiction and nobody would say
that exercise is bad for you, um
, and yet you know it can become
something that over dominates
and then starts to obscure um
other aspects of our lives which
actually, um are also really
necessary, like connection with
other people, like, um rest,
good sleep, good nutrition, you
know all of these things.
So I suppose sort of part of
taking this break for me has
become a way of rebalancing
anything that I've noticed has
got a little bit out of kilter
and maybe that resonates with
you.
I saw a post recently from Jo
Darling, who's a acupuncturist
and a Chinese medicine expert,
and she was talking about how
this time of year, as we come
into late summer, so many people
have a sense of overextxtending
themselves, over exertion,
maybe even burnout, because
during you know, that kind of
peak summer period in in June,
july, we're trying, you know
it's like it's a very natural
response to the longer days,
it's like we're really looking
to to get as much out of it as
we can.
You know our ancient selves
would be making sure that we can
plant and harvest as much food
as possible to support us into
the winter months.
Our modern selves might be
looking to spend as much social
time as possible before
everybody starts like hunkering
down and battening down the
hatches, you know, when it gets
colder.
So so there's a real sort of
logic to why we do this, and in
Chinese medicine apparently, um,
you know, there's this uh, kind
of this deep awareness of this
and the realisation that,
actually, as we come into this
later period of summer, into
August, it's really useful to
take a pause to rest, to soften.
Maybe that's the reason why so
many of us take our family
holidays at this time.
It's not just because of school
term times, maybe it's a kind
of unconscious requisite, you
know, an unconscious
understanding that, oh my
goodness me, we're going to
really need that rest.
So, rather than it being
unconscious, if we can make it
more of a conscious practice,
then it, my sense, is that it
will bring us even more value
because we'll really know how to
navigate it, rather than being
in that kind of mindless place
where, you know, I definitely
used to see holidays as a time
to kind of release the stresses
of work and, you know, almost
certainly drink way more than I
would ordinarily drink, and by
the time I got home I'd often be
even more exhausted because my
sleep patterns were disrupted,
my body wasn't being nourished
effectively and I was suffering
from, you know, having too much
alcohol in my system and when I
smoked I would have smoked a lot
more as well.
So, um, this kind of uh,
recognizing the, the realities
of what we need, um, and seeing,
oh, okay, I've been putting
this thing into place, but now I
can put this thing into place
more mindfully and maybe that
will help me more.
And it doesn't mean, you know,
like I mean I don't drink
anymore.
But it's not because I see
alcohol as being bad per se.
It was just that for me, for
lots of reasons, it was no
longer something that really
worked for me.
And you know there's something
about um, the kind of you know,
everything in moderation, which
is um such a lovely phrase and
often so hard to do um, so, um,
yeah.
So this sort of time of, of uh
for me anyway, taking this this
august uh break, it's also an
opportunity for me to really
practice what I um, what I
preach, you know, to really
practice what I believe is is um
, really useful.
And I'm incredibly mindful of
the fact that this is a deep
privilege that I have been able
to create this way of working.
That means that I can take this
time, and I'm very grateful to
all of my clients for really
accommodating it in their own
schedules too.
And what I find really
interesting is pretty much every
single client I've worked with
over the last five, six, no,
much longer than that seven,
eight years have been so
supportive of this time and in
fact, I now know a number of
people who work for themselves
who have started creating this
kind of pause for themselves.
And of course, you know, for so
many of us it's just not
possible.
We can't take a whole month and
and the time that we do take is
filled with other people's
needs, and so I think then it
becomes really important that we
have these, these kind of micro
moments for ourselves, these,
um, mindful I keep using that
word, um, I count how many times
it comes up in the transcript
um, but we take these kindful
let's go with that pauses in our
week, in our month, in our day,
in our year, times when we can
really come fully back into
ourselves and going back to that
whole idea of the dopamine hits
, perhaps really attending to
what is it that's pulling our
attention and is that where we
want to be paying attention.
So you know, I said before
about that kind of mindless.
You know, just picking up the
phone, like suddenly kind of
finding myself on the phone,
like looking and just saying,
well, suddenly kind of finding
myself on the phone like looking
and just saying, well, hang on
a minute, how did I get here.
You know that, um, that doesn't
feel great to me, and yet it's
true and so I can.
Now that I have clocked it, I
can start doing something with
it.
And of course, we can't change
something unless we have already
been able to bring it into our
awareness.
And then, once we have, then we
can look at it with compassion
rather than shame, because,
considering the work that I do,
it would be really easy for me
to, um to obfuscate in some way
the things that, um, I notice in
my own behaviors and my, the
own, my own way of responding to
the world.
Um, it would be really easy to
to sort of try and kind of gloss
over them a little bit, because
I don't want people to think
that I don't, you know, live by
my own standards, for example.
It's one of the reasons why, if
you listen to the last week's
episode and the piece I shared
about Kirstie Gallagher, you
know it's the reason why I kept
in when I noticed that I'd sort
of spoken like quite
dismissively and then sort of
caught myself and just realized,
hang on a minute, that's
actually not what I feel.
If I was not being sort of
really honest with myself, I
could have edited that out.
But this podcast, this place, I
have set this?
Um principle for myself that I
show up as honestly as I can.
I mean, obviously, you know
there are limits, but I show up
as honestly as I can here, and
that's why I think it's
important to share that.
You know, everybody is addicted
to their phones.
Everybody who's got a phone.
They're addicted to it, and I
think that's why it's so
important that, uh, we
collectively, um are able to
really look at things like how
do we manage our our dopamine
spikes, what, what are the
things that we can each do that
can support ourselves and learn
from each other?
So, for me, one of the things I
shall be doing is taking
Instagram off my phone, my phone
um, I'll um be sort of moving
where the um, uh, the mail
folder is on my phone, so that
if I pick it up to phone
somebody or to whatsapp a friend
, I don't see it um, and there
are various kind of simple
things like that.
But I think really the most
important thing for me is to
maintain this conscious
awareness of it, um, and so then
the question is where do we get
uh those, those sort of
experiences of pleasure?
Where do we get them from um,
and I was reflecting on this
before coming and, and you know,
sort of sharing this, this
musing, with you and, although
it's terribly cliched, but
cliches are there for the most
natural place is the natural
world, to really sort of focus
in on seeing the beauty that is
around, and whether that's um,
the sky up above high-rise
buildings, or it's a weed that's
managed to grow its way through
paving slabs, or it's a
beautiful view, I think any one
of those can become a place for
really feeling into our
connection with nature and
therefore our connection with
ourselves as a natural being.
You know, and, and it sounds so
gorgeous, it sounds so, you
know, delicious, and it's not
easy, because you know it's nice
looking at stuff on your phone,
isn't it?
It just is.
So I also.
I also recognise that I will
still keep an eye on things like
emails and stuff like that,
because I am running a business
and you know that is part of it,
but it's about really really
slowing it down and being much
more mindful, and I was likening
this you know these steps that
we can take.
You know, maybe it's not like I
said, maybe it's not for as
long as a month, but maybe there
are periods in our day or our
week or our month or our year
where we can take ourselves on a
sort of a digitally silent
retreat and, you know, allow
ourselves to sit in any
discomfort that might come from
that.
Allow ourselves to sit in the
discomfort of not being
available.
Um, you know, so many of us
pride ourselves on our
responsiveness.
Uh, I'd be really interested if
that resonates with you.
I mean, I definitely recognize
that is one of my little badges
of honor, like I am responsive,
and I'm deliberately less
responsive these days than I
ever used to be in my old world.
So I don't tend to hit reply to
emails the minute they come
into my inbox anymore, even
though I am a fast processor and
I tend to have a response very
quickly.
I deliberately make myself
pause before responding, whereas
in the past, you know, it used
to really frustrate me if people
didn't reply quickly, because
it was what I expected of myself
and therefore it's what I
expected of them.
And recognising that was really
interesting.
That was a very useful part of
my own journey of change was not
having the same expectations of
others that I might have of
myself and also recognising that
being quick isn't necessarily
always a good thing and actually
, on that point about going on a
digitally silent retreat, I'm
actually going to be going on a
silent retreat, an actual silent
retreat not until November, but
I'm really looking forward to
that and I'm very curious about
what it's going to be like.
I know a number of friends
who've um been on silent
retreats and I think the thing
that I'm going to most struggle
with I'm going to use that word,
um, potentially I might not,
but I think the thing I'm most
thoughtful about is not being
able to write when I'm there, um
, because during August, that is
something that I will
definitely be doing is doing a
lot of writing, um, a lot of
reading, a lot of writing, a lot
of reflecting.
Uh, I shall be drinking cacao,
I shall be doing love, word
readings, I shall be, you know,
going for long walks and taking
my journal with me.
So that will be very different
in a kind of silent retreat sort
of space, because that really
is coming like deep inside and
being absolutely alone with
yourself, with no distractions,
and I think that will be very
good for me and, yeah, if you've
experienced that, I'd love to
hear about it.
So I think there's something
about this experience of
retraining our bodies away from
this addiction of digital
connection and moving toward a
deeper connection.
You know, moving our attention
outwards and inwards
simultaneously.
You know, wider and deeper at
the same time.
And, um, and yes, I think
that's that's really uh,
something that I've been
considering as I've been
thinking about this, um, uh,
this year-long group program
that I'm going to be running in
or beginning in October, this
idea that, when we look deeper
and wider across all the
different aspects of change, how
it can help us get in
underneath the stuff that might
have previously blocked us from
making changes or felt like it
blocked us, or getting in
underneath the stories, the
narratives, the habits, the
beliefs that we hold and really
and really sort of coming into
this stance of the compassionate
observer and being able to sit
beside ourselves as we do the
deep inner work.
And this has really been on my
mind because I've been creating
the materials for it.
And also, today had the final
session of the finding the
Abundant Way Finding the More
Abundant Way sorry program that
I've been running, and what an
incredible experience that has
been, and today was the last
session.
It was one of those moments
where you have a group of people
all on a call and nobody wants
to end it because we all really
fell in love with each other.
That's the way I'm describing
it.
I don't know if everyone else
would agree, but that's
certainly how it felt to me,
like this very, very powerful
supportive thread of connection
that ran through the whole group
, and how deep we went.
Um, yeah, that was really
really beautiful.
Anyway, um, I'm not sure what
point I was making there, except
just to say gosh, you know what
a lovely piece of work that was
and it's nice to share it with
you.
You know it's nice to share
that with somebody, because I'm
here on my own, there's no one
else to tell.
Anyway, all right, my loves.
Um, I hope there was something
in there that sparked some
thoughts for you.
Um, and I think also, you know
there are lots of people who
have got um answers about uh,
you know how to wean ourselves
off our phones, and there are
lots of apps I've seen that you
know limit our phone use, and
there are bits of hardware that
I've seen that you know designed
to change the way that we
relate to our phones, and you
know all of that is good and
useful, I'm sure, and and I feel
that one of the most useful
things is, is simply this, this
awareness and the willingness to
change.
It's the question that I'll
often ask my one-to-one clients.
I'm either asking it out loud
or I'm I'm asking it as we're
talking.
I'm asking, you know,
energetically.
I'm asking it, you know, are we
willing to change?
Are you willing to change?
Is this habit with the phone
something that I am willing to
change?
And right now, sitting here
with you, the answer is a
resounding yes.
So the other thing that I am
going to do and I'm going to
commit to this you are my
witnesses, um is I normally do
have my phone in the bedroom at
night, and I can almost hear the
shock from the people who don't
do that.
But the reason I do it is
because I like to listen to a
piece, you know, some music as I
go to sleep.
It's something that I find
really calming and helpful.
So I'm going to find a, an
alternative to how to do that.
That means that I don't have to
have my phone in the bedroom
and that means that the
temptation to pick it up when I
wake and, you know, having that
sort of half hour in bed before
I get out of bed, because I also
do that.
Oh, another half, um, then, uh,
yeah, so I'm going to not have
my phone in the bedroom, and I
think that will be really,
really useful.
I mean, gosh, what a basic
thing, you know, but sometimes
these basic things are really
the things that we need to
return to.
Well, certainly, that's what I
find anyway.
So, as ever, I'm sending you so
much love and I just want to say
, if you haven't yet signed up
for a piece of quiet, if you
don't know what it is, um, it is
basically a, an email that you
receive once a week on a
Wednesday lunchtime.
It's got a short audio in it.
I've made it sound the most
bland, unexciting thing
imaginable there, but it is so
beautiful when we receive this
pause, this sacred pause in the
middle of the week, and even
though it's my voice that that
does it, I've been doing them.
I've, when I get the email,
I've been pausing and I am
seeing the value of it and I
think, really, this goes back to
everything that I've just been
saying.
It's an opportunity in the
middle of the week just to put
things down for a few minutes
and not be picking up our phone
and scrolling, not be watching
something on Netflix, not be
sitting in a bar having a drink.
You know it's a sacred pause
that is just for you, with this
delicious relaxation, a moment
to settle and soften, and then
that's followed by a beautiful
piece of music and a flow
journaling prompt.
So even if you don't enjoy
journaling, even if that's not
something that has ever captured
your attention, you can simply
use the music to extend the
relaxation practice, and you can
do it sitting at your desk at
and you can do it sitting at
your desk at work, you can do it
sitting at your kitchen table,
you can do it out walking the
dog, you can do it in the bath,
you know whatever feels useful
for you.
But I really recommend it and
it's just a few pounds a month
to give yourself that beautiful
gift, and I would be so
delighted to pause with you.
So if it's something you're
curious about, have a look in
the show notes and I'll include.
If you get my emails with these
new episodes, then there'll be
a link in there as well, and it
will continue running during
August while I'm away.
I've been recording a couple of
episodes today and, you know,
even just doing the recordings
feels like such a an honor, um.
So maybe you'll love it too,
and, um, I've been receiving
some beautiful reflections from
people who are using it and,
yeah, I'd really love to share
it more widely.
So I am going to leave it there
and I will be back with you in
September.
I send you so much love and I am
sending out a hope for peace
across the world, and I know so
many of us are filled with the
stories that we see unfolding on
the news and the media and, oh
gosh, I just want to um, hold
all of that with love and let's
hope for peace for everybody,
for peace for everybody.
May you be happy, may you be
safe, may you be well, may you
live with ease.
May we all be happy.
May we all be safe.
May we all be well.
May we all live with ease.
Sending you a hug and a wave,
thank you.