Henny Flynn: My reflection is
that depending on our
environment, and our history,
our personal history, it can
feel intensely vulnerable to
release that attachment to what
others think. Because it can be
something that we learned
perhaps a long time ago, as a
way of keeping ourselves safe.
And as I mentioned before, it's
also, you know, there is a
societal cultural story there as
well. Welcome to Season Eight of
the podcast, that's all about
deepening our self awareness
with profound self compassion.
I'm Henny, I write coach and
speak about life changes. And
together with my guests, we'll
be exploring ideas that
challenge our thinking
underpinned by bedrock of self
love, settle in, and listen and
see where the episode takes you.
We're just going to have a
relatively short episode this
week. And it's actually
something I've already shared in
a post on Instagram, but it's,
it's tenacious, this one keeps
holding my attention. So I
thought I would explore it a
little bit more here. And it
begins with the realisation that
when I attach to the fear of
what others might think of me, I
stop being. And I start acting,
as I think I should. So this
attachment to what I think
others might think it's an old
and deep story for me. And said
before, this is a bit like,
being in therapy with a very
large audience. So you know, I
could, I could explore why that
is a deep story, definitely
something to do with being the
youngest of a big family and
blah, blah, blah, there's a lot
there. But you know, as a, at
its heart, it's an old story.
And it's something that I am
aware of, and I do a lot of work
on it. And my observation is
that it can feel like it might
even be hardwired into our
nature, you know, to to this
sort of super awareness of what
others think of us or what we
think others think of us. You
know, as pack animals, we need
to have a degree of awareness of
others in order that we can work
together, we can live together,
we can be together. But as with
so many of these things that
began as something to support us
to keep us safe. I'm just gonna
shut the window, hang on a sec.
It's very quiet space is being a
bit noisy out there. I think
there might be a tractor so as
with so many things, stuff,
behaviours, thoughts, feelings,
that began as something to
support us to keep us safe can
get super activated, and they
start to become our dominant
behaviour. Or they start to
drive our thoughts, at times, at
least. And it's them that they
can stop serving us. So this
reflection today is really about
how is it when we really let go,
when we release into ourselves
to such a degree that we allow
ourselves to be fully present
with the whole of us. Those
moments of really like childlike
joy. moment I've got a sort of
ongoing thing. Well, thanks.
Which is part of me wishes I had
a tail, because then I could
work it when I'm happy. So it's
those moments, you know, when we
really wish that we had a tail
and we could wag it to fully
demonstrate our joy. Present
nurse, that childlike joy. And
it's what in transactional
analysis we call the free child
I've talked on previous episodes
about some of the other persona
that are identified in
transactional analysis and free
child, you know, oh gosh, the
joy of being in that place this
unfettered place. And when we're
there, it's when we can let go
of that attachment to our fear
of what others might think.
And through that, we sink more
deeply into our true self. And,
you know, of course, there is a
caveat to this, you know,
nothing is ever black and white,
it's always Shades of Grey. And
this beingness, is predicated on
self love. So, it comes most
easily when we're living from an
open heart and an open mind, not
in that place of being
mindlessly non discerning.
Rather, we are responding to
what is around us with deep
awareness and profound
compassion. And we're also
responding this is obviously
absolutely critical to what's
going on inside us with deep
awareness and profound
compassion. And my reflection is
that depending on our
environment, and our history,
our personal history, it can
feel intensely vulnerable, to
release that attachment to what
others think. Because it can be
something that we learned
perhaps a long time ago, as a
way of keeping ourselves safe.
And as I mentioned before, it's
also, you know, there's a
societal cultural story there as
well. And it's, and that story
is important. But we become so
attuned to reacting to what we
see and feel around us, that our
own wants and needs can either
become sidelined or totally
suppressed. So we can find
ourselves when it becomes so
activated, acting in the way we
think others want us to act.
Rather than being how we feel we
truly are. And learning how to
release that attachment. You
know, gosh, that can sound like
such a tool, ask. But it is so
wonderful, when we land in that
place of open hearted
vulnerability and presence, even
if it's just for a moment. You
know, I've shared some images on
social media of some of my
summer activities, including
wearing feathers in my hair, my
share, but I did a lot of
dancing over August, and did a
lot of like running around just
because it's not felt really
happy. You know, all of those
moments, were times where my
free child forgot to worry about
what others might think. And,
you know, that attachment to
what others think it can show up
in so many different ways. You
know, will they like me? Will
they like what I say, will they
like how I look. And the list
goes on. And on. So, letting go
have that attachment. It begins
with noticing what we're
attached to, without judgement.
And they're noticing when we're
in the lightness of that free
child mode. And seeing the
distinction between these two,
between the times of attachment
to the fear of what others
think, and the times of free
child can be a really beautiful
thing you know, and again,
without judgement, just noticing
what is showing up can be what
helps us free our inner child
even more. So I just want to
leave you with a question. When
you picture yourself as the free
child, what image comes to mind,
and how can you love her or him
even more deeply so a little
canter through a thought there
and I hope something in there as
resonated for you. This is a
beautiful moment really to
reflect back on what I was just
saying that it's really
important when I do the podcasts
that I'm not I attached to what
other people think because that
would obviously restrict me and
start changing the way that I
approach it. So, every week when
I'm recording these episodes,
I'm doing work on this part of
me that is really keen on being
attached to what other people
think.
And so I say without judgement
in a very open hearted and open
minded and vulnerable way. I
really hope that something in
here is resonated for you. And
if not, that's okay. Do hope to
see you again next week. I sent
you a hug and a wave