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We all carry a set of beliefs about what the NORM is and about how we’re ‘meant’ to think, feel, act, look in order to fit in with that (possibly narrow) view.
And these beliefs inform how we see ourselves.
The challenge comes of course, when we see ourselves through a critical lens - which can (of course) be a far more critical lens than we would ever use to see another person.
In the lyrics of the song by En Vogue*(more on that in the episode!), we hear:
Before you can read me. You got to learn how to see me
And so it is with ourselves
Hence the title of today’s episode… Be self-kind & the love will follow
When we see ourselves through kind eyes, we’re acknowledging and accepting that every single part of us is welcome here. We are no longer ‘othering’ parts we might find more difficult - or feel could even be impossible - to love.
And part of this practice of being self-kind is not trying to rush at creating a sense of self-love. We're not trying to force something that can feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Begin - again and again - with kindness.
KEY THINGS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE
- Othering - and how we can ‘other’ parts of our SELF
- The importance of feeling and being ‘welcome’
- The value of recognising and connecting with our inner parts, in a compassionate non-judgemental way
- Some of the common phrases the Inner Critic can throw at us
- The risk of criticising our Inner Critic - how that can compound the effect of the self-judgement
- How the words ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘ought’ can be a sign the Inner Critic is getting activated
- Remembering that the path toward being self-kind may feel hard but is always worth it
REFERENCES
- *En Vogue: Free your mind & the rest will follow - the cultural reference that inspired this episode title's play on words
- Internal Family Systems - trauma based therapeutic support
- School of Life - useful resource for working with the Inner Critic
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